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November 26, 2022

345 Park Ave.

KPMG’s Latest “Green Initiative” Has One Employee Demanding Sherpas

[caption id="attachment_24110" align="alignright" width="150" caption="Clearly a KPMG auditor; all the supplies are blue."][/caption]

As many of you are aware, schlepping around a laptop, supplies and God knows what else is standard operating procedure for many Big 4 employees. If you work in New York, this annoyance is compounded by the fact that you have to coordinate all this stuff in an awkward balancing act in order to walk (at least partially) to your desired location. Even if your engagement budget allows you to take a cab, the annoyance factor is high.

Unfortunately, this has now been made worse (never mind the slick sidewalks for two), according to a tipster who has a beef with the New York office of KPMG’s latest attempt to save the planet:

I don’t know why this set me off the way it did, but this really made me very angry so I thought I’d send it in to you to post for open internet mockery. Now in addition to carrying around a laptop, printers, the new second monitors, binders etc all over the city, KPMG expects me to strap a MUG to myself and heaven forfend I use a “Guest Mug” because then how will I compete in this swell “Original Mug Contest”?

I’m 115 pounds, I don’t have the body mass to deal with what is gradually turning into some sort of fully equipped mountain climbing expedition. KPMG needs to start handing out sherpas. Immediately after this email went out, about three different conversations involving stockpiling paper cups in various drawers started around me. What is 500K cups anyways, about half a tree? My free cup of crummy coffee in my paper cup that requires next to no effort to get is the high point of my day, so screw you KPMG Green Initiative.

Here’s the email describing the initiative (sorry for the disjointed look, we had to clip it twice) that caused our tipster to fly off the handle.

So not only does insufficient auditing space have their unforeseen repercussions, the quantity of stuff that auditors are asked to drag with them is reaching critical mass. No lives appear to be in danger yet but one has to wonder where the breaking point is. Your concerns and reactions are welcome at this time.

Bedbug Scare at KPMG’s New York Office?

Summer of 2010 had its share of gripping stories: Islamic community centers, “pink-faced halfwits” whipping the masses into a frenzy, Lindsey Lohan.

All of these stories grabbed ahold of American’s two-second attention span far longer than you would expect. But the thing that really transfixed the nation was a tiny insect that was, as one time, merely a fun game for kids to play so their parents could smoke grass in the basement. BEDBUGS.


With all the bedbug hysteria that’s been going on, we’re surprised that we haven’t ANY news about accounting firms having their offices invaded with bedbugs. Finally, we’ve gotten word of what probably amounts to just a scare at KPMG in New York.

We were tipped off this morning to the news that there was a “bed bug issue” over the weekend at one of the KPMG’s offices in New York. We asked around and discovered that the “issue” was at the 345 Park location and that “only one bedbug” was found. Everything that has happened since then have been “precautionary measures.” This no doubt involved scores of people crawling around with magnifying glasses until the bedbug dogs could be called in.

A message and voicemail left with KPMG spokesman Dan Ginsburg had not been returned at the time of posting.

Of course, the real concern is that if there’s one bedbug, there are likely more. And in New York, there have been no shortage of bedbug cases including at the nearby MetLife Building. So far nothing we’ve heard indicates that it’s a full-blown infestation over at 345 Park but do get in touch if you hear more.

(UPDATE) Which One of You Left Your Benz Parked In Front of KPMG HQ?

Because you’ve caused a ruckus.


It’s an especially nice touch that the Shred-it truck is outside. Coincidence?

UPDATE: Said Benz has been towed and NYPD has re-opened Park Ave. Apparently it “appeared to be weighed down in an unusual way,” which leads to believe that the Shred-it truck was completely packed and some partner had pull around front to help get some sensitive docs out of 345 Park.