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Here Are Ten Hot Takes on States’ CPA Exam Performance

Hey, look, a map from NASBA:

It's a Thursday in mid-September and since everyone's talking about the Fed and last night's debate, how about some CPA EXAM HOT TAKES? Come on, you don't have anything better to do.

1. First things first — what the hell does NASBA have against the Upper Peninsula of Michigan? Do they think it's the 51st state or something? Can't it get some of that blue ink love, you anti-UP bastards? Get it together, NASBA crayon people.

2. While on the topic of geography, can Alaska and Hawaii not get any respect up in this bitch?

3. Hey, Utah, take a break from studying and drag your 35-member family to see Book of Mormon. You can spare the points.

4. Since we're in the Four Corners region, might as well point out that while legal weed in Colorado has done quite a bit for state revenues, it hasn't done a damn thing for rote memorization.

5. Nebraska is my home state so it's nice to see a solid performance from a place that doesn't do anything else particularly well except grow corn and obsess over a football team that slips ever deeper into mediocrity.

6. Lots of people in Missouri managed to not get shot or run over by a tank on their way to Prometric. Nice job, Show Me Staters!

7. It's bad enough listening to Boston sports fans, but now we have to hear from every Sullivan who's a new CPA about out there how he CRUSHED the exam? Not fair!  

8. WTF Maryland? Maybe MACPA CEO Tom Hood should use some of his star power to pull in Tim Gearty to pound some mnemonic devices into those heads. 

9. North Carolina squeaks into the top 10. I'm sure the AICPA had nothing to do with that.

10. Texas should take some of that accounting brain power and put it in their police force.