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‘Single, Fat Accountant’ Struggling with Royal Couple Envy

Once again, we call attention to troubles from across the Pond, courtesy of AccountingWEB UK.

This time, the Single Fat Accountant is dealing with his uncontrollable jealousy over Kate and Willy’s upcoming nuptials:

I would like to publicly admit that I am jealous of the about to be married Royal couple. I do not want to know anything about them. I would prefer if there a total media blackout on the whole wedding. This to my big disappointment will not happen. As the time is getting nearer for the big day, the media has gone frenzy over the upcoming nuptials.

I know I should be a decent human being and wish them all the very best for the future like most of the very class conscious Britain. l cannot lie and pretend to join in the well wishes. I know this does makes me a mean and a horrible person.

Isn’t saying disparaging things about the Royal punishable by death in Britain? Or something? Well, single fat accountant it’s cool because most of us here in the States (accountants or not) don’t give a flying rat’s ass about Kate and Willy. Are they a good-looking couple? Sure. Do they enjoy wealth and social status that most people would kill for? Obviously. Will their marriage crash and burn in an ugly affair that results in another Royal Family scandal that will result tabloid fodder for years to come? We give it a 50/50 shot. The point is – why are you jealous? It doesn’t make any sense. Are you not capable of not clicking on their pictures or stories with their names in the headline? You’re wasting your precious utilization, friend. Get back to your spreadsheets.

Can you guys help cheer our friend up? Tell him everything is cool despite his lack of bloodline, wealth and hot fiancée.