Please ensure Javascript is enabled for purposes of website accessibility

Crocodile Injured By Falling Circus Accountant in Freak Bus Accident

Posted on by Adrienne Gonzalez

I was going to bury this in Footnotes but I can't. I JUST CAN'T. You will never read another headline like that again.

So, this happened today:

A dangerous reptile sustained injuries after being squashed by a portly circus accountant on a roadtrip in northern Russia on Tuesday.

The two-meter-long crocodile was peacefully snoozing on the floor when the tour bus hit a bump in the road, triggering an unfortunate chain of events that caused a 120-kilogram female passenger to be thrown into the crocodile and said crocodile to vomit for several hours afterward, RIA Novosti reported.

Both reportedly sustained shock and minor injuries. But the crocodile, named Fedya, apparently fared worse than the accountant. He vomited for three hours after the accidental full body slam, though a medical examination found he was clear of any internal injuries, Komsomolskaya Pravda reported.

No matter how bad your day was, at least you didn't have to ride to work with a crocodile in a bus.

Related Posts

Another Accountant Superhero Is in Our Midst

You may remember back in January when a PwC employee put down his pencil to – according to his farewell email – fight crime as the caped avenger. At the time, we expressed concern not only because there can’t be two Batmans but because…well, we’re just skeptical of any cube-dweller’s ability to make the streets safe for the rest of us.

Despite our doubts, that hasn’t stopped another accountant, Irene Thomas (aka Nyx), from taking to the streets to fight for truth, justice and all that crap.

By day Irene Thomas says she is a ‘boring’ accountant who lives in a cramped New Jersey flat. By night she puts on a black catsuit and mask with a red belt, gloves and boots, gets into her Honda Accord car and comes out the other side of the Lincoln Tunnel in Manhattan as ‘Nyx’. The 21-year-old is just one member of the Real Life Superhero Project, a group of humans who aim to bring a helping hand to people everywhere and thwart crime on city streets.

It doesn’t appear that Nyx wasn’t born with natural crime fighting abilities, as the Real Life Superhero Project has documented her training on their website. As with all superheroes, there has to be another side to Nyx that we don’t get to see. What kind of pain or personal aguish has she gone through that has caused her to take up this cause? Does the thought of spending hours upon hours in a cube farm staring at spreadsheets haunt her dreams to the point of insomnia, thus leading to the spending her nights running around the City a dominatrix outfit? Is she looking for more from life besides a good paycheck, generous benefits and half-days Fridays during the summer? Or is it something deeper?

‘Like the night, I cannot be proven or disproven to certain degrees – and also much like the night, when morning comes, there will be no trace of me.’

Jesus, who knows. Fly-by-night psychoanalysts are welcome to weigh in now.

Real Life Superheroes [via Daily Mail]

Tuesday Morning Accounting News Brief: PwC’s Skepticism Fail; KPMG’s Appalling Work; Marcum Deal Done | 9.6.22

Ed. note: we usually do these headline roundups on Monday but since Monday was a […]

UK Whitepaper Seeks to Reconcile Mother Nature’s Books

When do you recognize maple syrup, when it is earned (sucked from the tree) or realized (when it goes down your big fat gap)? How much goodwill does a forest have?

The UK Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs has published its first white paper on the natural environment in 20 years hoping to answer some of these questions. The natural choice: securing the value of nature suggests the UK should set up an independent Natural Capital Committee (sort of like FASB for forests) to advise the government on when, where and how natural assets are being used unsustainably.

This would create “green accounts” which give an idea how the country’s natural assets are being used.

The authors of the paper suggest that economic growth and the natural environment are mutually compatible, implying that “nature’s bank balance” should not be ignored when looking at the country’s overall economic growth.

“Past action has often taken place on too small a scale. We want to promote an ambitious, integrated approach, creating a resilient ecological network across England. We will move from net biodiversity loss to net gain, by supporting healthy, well-functioning ecosystems and coherent ecological networks. We will publish a new Biodiversity Strategy for England, responding to our international commitments and setting a new direction for policy over the next decade,” the paper says, proving that someone obviously read their accounting textbooks before they tried to write a framework for valuing nature’s assets.

[Insert bad money doesn’t grow on trees joke here]