No doubt that you remember E&Y’s Grammy-worthy attempt at a theme song/torture method from last week.
We have now discovered that KPMG also thought this was worthy of the firm’s resources. The only problem we find is that the songs sound oddly similar in melody, atrocious use of harmony, etc. This kind of artistic double-agentry between the firms only reaffirms are suspicions about the firms working together in some sort of oligopolic conspiracy of which the purpose is, we haven’t figured out, except maybe to perpetuate the use of Excel.
After the jump, we’ve provided links to both songs here so that you can provide your expert analysis on which firm has the best song. And by best, we obviously mean drives you to agony similar to Alex DeLarge/Beethoven-esque levels. In addition, feel free to provide your favorite lyrics in the comments.
Category: Big 4
If it happens at a Big 4 accounting firm, we’re talking about it here.
Deloitte Wants to Help You Find a Job. In Another Country
If you recently find yourself unemployed and either you were here on a visa or you’ve had enough of the old US of A, Deloitte is here to help you this week. On Wednesday, the big D is providing a 90 minute webcast for its alumni who are looking for work internationally.
Since Deloitte is a big shot accounting firm that is always on top of this whole economic sitch, they’re providing a webcast for you former Green-dots to figure out how to go to another country ’cause your chances of getting a job States-side are pretty much zilch.
Get details, after the jump
As colleagues for life, our alumni are an important part of the Deloitte culture. You have made significant contributions to Deloitte over the years, and in similar fashion we are committed to continually supporting your journey as you increase your personal market value.
Join us on Wednesday, September 16, 12:00 p.m. EDT for expert advice and tips from members of the Deloitte Global Talent Acquisition and Mobility team…Located in London and Amsterdam, our presenters have their thumb on the pulse of the international job search and will examine ways to navigate a marketplace job search outside of the U.S. Topics covered will include:
• What parts of the world are hiring right now
• How to market yourself for international jobs
• How to maximize your chances of getting a job outside the US
• How to prepare yourself for job interviews outside the US
• How to integrate if you do relocate
• How to negotiate an offer outside the US
Nevermind the tricky part about how the hell you get to Johannesburg once you’ve landed the new gig. That’s all on you.
KPMGer Has a Question for the Group
“can i ask why we just hired three people and have one intern for audit and then two of them are going to Rome for trainig [sic]???”
Yes, you can ask. We’ll put it out to the group. Thoughts?
Now That the #1 Spot Is Secure, Deloitte Is Making Some Changes
We’re not sure when Deloitte dropped the hammer on Pandora but the timing of us hearing about it is dubious since the coveted #1 spot on BW’s list is safely in print.
Much like E&Y, we’re curious as to the motivation here. Bandwidth sucking notwithstanding, your morale doesn’t seem to be much of a concern here. Green dots, kindly discuss in comments your theories behind the latest buzz kill. The rest of you (minus E&Y, natch) can share what you’re listening to currently as pure schadenfreude.
Apparently Your Farewell Emails Need Work
With all the bitterness out there, we’re really not sure why this particular person is getting attention.
We surmised yesterday that the Brits seem to take a more active interest in all things bean county but their articulation in farewell emails certainly can’t be superior to yours. After all, you can’t hear the accent when you read.
After the jump, a taste of the bitterness that’s getting lots of attention in the UK:
Today is my last day at PwC. I haven’t sent this to everyone because what would be the point? Why do people send their leaving emails to everyone? We didn’t care about you then and we certainly don’t care about you now.
I still presume hardly any of you knew me, which is good because I’m rubbish at audit, so I wouldn’t have helped your stellar careers.
I’ve also learned how not to decorate an office – green and orange block colour walls with business buzz phrases on. ‘Find your space’, ‘always add value’ etc. Where do these terrible phrases come from? Is there a team of people lurking about in Embankment Place whose only duty is to pump out corporate drivel?
I look forward immensely to never having to attend an event in which Our Beloved Leaders stand up and tell us we’ve massively exceeded budget, so in reward we get no bonuses and instead we get the treat of listening to Coldplay while quotes from the greatest leaders of our times are played across a screen.
I’m also on Facebook but I hate it. I’m sure you’ve got real friends of your own and I’d prefer if you left me alone quite frankly.
If we ever talked (doubtful, I avoided anyone that looked like they might give me some work), add away.
I’ve left some treats in the group area.
Not really.
Bye forever xxx.
PwC accountant’s email is global hit [Telegraph]
Let’s Just Call It an Even 50
More rumors out of KPMG today as the audit practice in New York will be ramping up to 50 hour weeks approaching October. Apparently the extra 32 hours for the entire month that was originally required will not suffice.
This follows a similar request put out to the Klynveldians on the left coast. Unless you’re a football fan or trying to observe religious holidays, this doesn’t strike us as much of a problem.
PwC’s Recruitment of MBA’s is Good News on the Hiring Front, Sort Of (UPDATE)
FINS.com has a piece on the Big 4’s recruitment of MBA’s that serves as lukewarm encouragement for those of you have considered the painstaking thought of going back to school.
More, after the jump
PricewaterhouseCoopers is ramping up its hiring of M.B.A.s, with plans to recruit 75 to 100 business-school graduates in 2010. [The Firm] planned to bring on 60 to 90 graduates from master’s degree in business programs in 2009, up from 40 last year…An improving economy and the need to make sense of new regulatory guidelines in the financial sector are what’s driving the trend
As you might expect, the hiring occurs in the advisory practices of the firms while those of you with that went back to get a master’s in accounting will most likely end up in audit or tax practices.
At PWC, most M.B.A. recruits have three to seven years’ experience and fill senior associate posts in its advisory practice. The M.B.A.s that it hires are recruited to work in finance, operations and supply-change management and human-capital management.
The article is less enthusiastic about the other firms, however:
Big Four rival Ernst & Young is hiring about 20 b-school grads into its performance-improvement practice this year, dipping from a peak of 25 in 2007 when it began hiring M.B.A.s…While KPMG does not actively recruit M.B.A.s since its consulting practice spun off in 2002, it does targeted M.B.A. hiring, according to Malana Sanders, a KPMG recruiting director…Deloitte does hire M.B.A.s, though, said Diane Borhani, head of U.S. campus recruiting for Deloitte in Chicago, who declined to provide specifics
So we’re at a loss on how we feel about this. On the one hand, it’s good to see at least one firm ending the slash and burn that’s been going on for the last 12-15 months (even if this is just advisory) but are you ready to go back to eating cup o’ noodles, no keg stands, and more school debt to do it?
Since it sounds like layoffs will occur regularly at the firms and BW says that two-thirds of you leave the firms within five years anyway, going back to school may be in the cards for a lot of you.
For those of you that fall in the 3 – 7 years experience range, discuss what, if any, thoughts you’ve had on going back to school and if would you go with a Big 4 firm. Scary thought, we know.
PricewaterhouseCoopers and Rivals are Recruiting More M.B.A.s [FINS.com]
The Creative Geniuses at E&Y Do It Again
We really have to hand it to some of the creative minds at E&Y. The quality of what they produce is overwhelming. All this and they ban Pandora? We’ll never understand accounting firm reasoning.
Anyhoo, the offbeat clapping is one thing, Zitor is quite another, but now we present you with the following:
Rumor Mill: More KPMG Layoffs
Frankly, this is getting ridiculous. We got wind of more staff layoffs going down in the Metro audit practice in New York today. Sounds as though emails may have been sent out last night and meetings are being held today.
One explanation we heard was that associates not currently assigned to a client were let go which seems dubious, even for an accounting firm, but we’ll run with it. If you’re one of the unlucky few, or have details on rumors concerning next week, drop us a line or discuss in the comments.
Who Knew that E&Y had a Creative Art Department?
Today, in how your firm spent your bonus news, we present you with Zitor, an alien who somehow ended up in Uncle Ernie’s shop. Zitor then ended up being assigned a counselee for year-end reviews which is fairly realistic considering his lack of expertise and work experience.
Zitor was apparently designed and plugged into the Ernstiverse to demonstrate how to be completely unprepared for a the year-end review process as a counselor.
What’s odd is that most counselors seem to be using logic from another planet so it’s not outside the realm of possibility that this was based on actual methods used.
Regardless of the genesis of this idea, it probably goes without saying that this had to be complete and utter failure for those of you with maturity levels above the age of 13. Nevermind that no one can decipher how accounting firms determine who the best performers are anyway.
Included with this frivolous attempt to relate to the troops, if you were so inclined, you could submit ideas for the line below from Zitor to end up in the next video for this “Coach from Another Planet”. While that sounds incredibly lame and worthy of our ridicule, we’ve decided to let you take a stab at it instead.
The line has been modified slightly to allow your much more creative suggestions to be submitted in the comments:
“At E&Y, we do not give feedback. We give ___________.”
Do your worst.
Uzbekistan Gives KPMG the Boot
Not sure how we missed this but since it’s still slow out there we’ll kindly inform you that the country of Uzbekistan has had enough of KPMG.
According to Kazakhstan Newsline, “Uzbekistan’s Ministry of Finance has canceled licenses for audit activity on the part of KPMG Ltd.”
Obviously you can see how this would not be good if you wanted to audit anything in Uzbekistan. If any of you are willing to bite the bullet for everyone and get a subscription to this fine source of media so we can know the full story, that’d be great.
Otherwise, just use your imagination about the reason for the Radio Station banishment and discuss in the comments.
Personally, we’re hoping it had something to do with two physically repelling male employees running naked around in a hotel conference room but perhaps that’s a stretch*.
Uzbekistan takes away KPMG’s license [Life of An Auditor via JDA]
*Thanks for pointing out that Borat was from Kazakhstan. They’re neighboring countries, close enough for today.