Klynveldians have been warned about certain software that should not, under any circumstances, be downloaded by any of you:
In the firm’s defense — and since they didn’t mention it — many of these programs are used by you to waste precious billable hours complaining to each other about a myriad of things including why the Phil Mickelson hats only come in black and white and where Tim Flynn and John Veihmeyer buy their suits (we hear Marshall’s but that could be total bupkis).
Furthermore, we’re not going to sit here and say that none of these programs present a legitimate risk. That would be foolhardy and insensitive.
What we do wonder about is what “disciplinary action” involves. Feel free to wildly speculate on this in the comments.
Category: KPMG
Caption Contest Results: KPMG Scary Stories
Not a surprising choice but we thought it would be a closer race. The winner, garnering 45.5% of the vote, after the jump.
KPMG hires replacements for staff who were laid off.
What’s not known is what kind of offers they are getting. It’s an absolute certainly that it includes the standard CYA language: “Due to the volatility of the current economic conditions, your starting salary may be adjusted to market at the time you begin employment.”
Thanks to everyone for voting and we’ll have the results from our salary satisfaction poll later today.
Caption Contest Poll: KPMG Scary Stories
It’s election day after all. Vote for your favorite caption. You have until tomorrow night, 11:59 PDT to vote.
Finalists after the jump.
Caption Contest Reminder
Don’t forget to submit your captions for last Friday’s contest. We’ll take submissions through midnight tonight and run the poll tomorrow morning.
Caption Contest Friday: KPMG Scary Stories
Pictured below is R.L. Stine, often known as the “Stephen King of children’s literature”. Mr. Stine did some pre-Halloween scary story-telling yesterday while visiting students. The occasion celebrated KPMG’s Family for Literacy distributing its one-millionth book. “I think it would be a very scary world without books,” said Stine.
Rules: Submit possible captions in the comments. We’ll choose our favorites — with preference given to those with a Big 4/KPMG/accounting bent — and then let you vote for the best one.
Whatever You Do, Don’t Bring Up Tax Shelters
Well you can if you want but somebody will probably flash a piece on the lanes and you’ll end up entering a world of pain.
If you’re in Beta Alpha Psi at the University of Illinois, KPMG is hosting a charity bowling event tonight at 6 pm. Hell, even if you’re not a member you should do a jay and head on over and get your roll on. What’s the worst they can do, throw you out?
KPMG Partner Named in $240 Million Tax Fraud
This is getting awkward, KPMG. Tax shelters continue to be a problem for some of your partners.
Three local businessmen have been indicted on a charge of conspiracy to defraud the Internal Revenue Service of more than $240 million.
According to the indictment filed in federal court on Oct. 22, two of the men allegedly attempted to defraud the IRS by making several “false and misleading statements” concerning a corporate tax shelter that was implemented by them.
Daryl J. Haynor, a partner in KPMG’s federal tax practice for the mid-Atlantic Area, based in Tysons Corner; and Jon Flask, a Vienna-based attorney, are both named in the suit.
“Mr. Haynor has been placed on administrative leave pending a review of the situation,” said George Ledwith, a spokesman for KPMG, on Monday.
Obviously our little warning concerning tax shelters was way too late.
According to the federal indictment, Flask, Haynor and Parker implemented and marketed a tax shelter named “Sale Leaseback of Tenant Improvements Strategy (SLOTS),” from 1998 through 2006.
The shelter enabled various U.S. corporations to claim tax deductions totaling more than $240 million on corporate income tax returns.
The indictment alleges that Flask, along with Haynor and Parker, misled and deceived the IRS by misrepresenting facts concerning the SLOTS tax shelter during IRS audits of companies claiming tax losses generated by the shelter in the years 2002 through 2004.
Mr. Haynor has been with KPMG for over 25 years. He and Mr. Flask face up to eight years in prison and $500,000 in fines. If you know any details, shoot us an email or discuss in the comments.
Someone Is Letting KPMG Employees Handle Firearms
Judging by everything that has gone on in the past few months, we can’t emphasize enough how dangerous this could have been. Video after the jump.
Some Atlantans Get to be a Cop for a Day [Fox 5 Atlanta]
Rumor Mill: KPMG Wants You To Stop Smothering Your Kids
Klynveldians, what are you doing today at 2 pm? Nothing? Here you go:
As we continue to observe National Work & Family Month during October,
KPMG will host a national MSO from Lifeworks entitled Being an Involved
Parent: How Much Is Too Much? on Thursday, October 22, from 2:00 p.m. –
3:00 p.m. ET.
This special session is designed to help parents:
§ Understand the traits of overly involved parents
§ Learn the long-term consequences of over-involvement
§ Identify strategies for raising self-reliant, resilient children
§ Find a balance of involvement that will help children ultimately become
independent adults.
If you’d like to join us for this session, be sure to sign up today!
Don’t have kids? No worries. This will load up your queue of excuses for why you’re working late after you enter parenthood.
The Moment You’ve All Been Waiting For
If you work at KPMG anyway. We heard that the annual employee survey was sent out today so that’s exciting. The most thrilling news is that FIVE of you will win $200 AMEX gift cards for participating. If there are questions missing on the survey that are not addressed, feel free to bring those up in the comments.
The only other firm that we’ve heard about having their survey is E&Y so if yours is rolling out be sure to let us know.
(UPDATE) Madoff Investors Sue KPMG, JP Morgan, Bank of New York Mellon
By our last count KPMG had been named in ten lawsuits related to Madoff feeder funds. What’s one more?
KPMG, JP Morgan, Bank of New York Mellon, Oppenheimer Acquisition Corp. and Mass Mutual Life Insurance, along with the Tremont founders were all named in an amended lawsuit that was filed yesterday.
Cotchettt, Pitre, & McCarthy, the attorneys for the Plaintiffs, are not mincing words on KPMG’s part in the whole mess. From the firm’s website:
The sheer size and scope of the fraud make it impossible for Madoff to have acted alone. The complaint alleges JP Morgan and the Bank of New York as well as powerhouse accounting firm KPMG LLP and their international counterparts, KPMG UK and KPMG International were primary players responsible for the fraud.
The amended complaint further alleges that the phantom trades “should have been discovered by KPMG UK, the auditor for Madoff’s London based operation, Madoff Securities International Ltd. Instead, KMPG UK never raised any red flags that investors’ money was used by Madoff as his personal piggy bank.”
KPMG declined to comment for the Reuters article but we’ll assume that they don’t take kindly to the complaint.
Madoff investors sue KPMG and major banks [Reuters]
MADOFF_WEXLER_FIRST_AMENDED_COMPLAINT.pdf
UPDATE: The UK Firm issued the following, per Accountancy Age:
KPMG considers the allegations in the complaint to be wholly without merit and will defend them vigorously. The complaint cites KPMG in its capacity as statutory auditor of Madoff Securities International Limited (MSIL), a London based company directly owned by the Madoff family. KPMG acted in this capacity for several years and issued unqualified audit opinions on MSIL’s financial statements. We are not aware of any suggestion that the financial statements of MSIL contain errors.
KPMG Halloween Party: Don’t Expect Treats in the Form of Bonuses
With the cancellation of Christmaskah by most of the Big 4, one would think that a small Halloween fiesta would at least be possible (you know, for the kids).
Good news! At least one KPMG office is contemplating the idea, with the local staff’s help (italics are from the original email):
For $5 you may wear jeans. All donations will be used for the Family Halloween Party. If you would like to participate, please see [redacted] at the reception desk on the 27th floor.
Please note that if you are at a client site that does not subscribe to jeans day, you still need to dress to the client’s dress code.
Please remember you are still in a professional environment and wear professional clothing with your jeans. Additionally, please wear jeans that are in good condition to obtain a clean, professional appearance.
Got it? You want bite-sized 3 Musketeers, Snickers, and the like, you can pay for it. And btw, if you come in with frayed hems, your ass will be sent home.