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September 25, 2023

Another Reason To Be Glad You Are Not a Lawyer, As If You Needed One

The main reason for anyone here to read ATL is not for the razor-sharp wit nor timely commentary on the profession of law. No, it's to make all of you feel better about your own miserable lives. Exhibit ZZ:

A person has placed an ad on the Los Angeles Craigslist board with the subject line: “I will literally kill myself if I don’t have a job by New Year’s.” The lawyer then goes on to explain his professional experience and to express his willingness to do anything that carries with it a salary or hourly wage.

I’m not at all sure that threatening extreme action is the best way to secure a position as a trusted advisor capable of exercising discretion under pressure. And I think that history has shown that things like hunger strikes are more effective at engendering sympathy than straight-up threats of self-martyrdom.

But it is a tough market out there, and I suppose this is one way to get at least a few employers to give you a second look….

The ad reads as follows, including an edit that shows just how tired this guy is of stupid advice on getting a job when there ARE NO JOBS:

I will literally kill myself if I don't have a job by New Year's (Los Angeles)

I am an experienced transactional attorney. I am smart, capable, and have a great work ethic. I do not have any any litigation experience, but I am willing to work hard, and have no doubt I can learn that or any other area of law quickly if given the opportunity. I've lost just about all faith in humanity, so I sincerely doubt that anyone will give me the chance I need, but this is my last chance. I will take any job that pays a salary or hourly wage. . .attorney, paralegal, contract administrator, assistant, receptionist, anything. I am available for interviews immediately. Thank you.

Edit: I appreciate people contacting me with well wishes, or offering advice on how to find a job, but trust me, I have made every effort any of you have recommended to find a job, all with no luck. I am an extrovert with no friends or family, so I will be homeless and hungry if I don't have a job by January 1. Please do not contact me unless you are hiring. Thank you.

Points for creativity but as Elie pointed out, threatening self harm is a terrible way to get hired. Hopefully this guy isn't serious and is just trying to stand out from the pack.

Good luck, guy.

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