A least one accountant at the SEC is getting his lawyer on the phone as we speak.
Ana Catarian Bezerra, a 36-year-old Brazilian accountant who suffers from a chemical imbalance that triggers severe anxiety and hypersexuality, has won the right to masturbate and watch porn at work!
Since she knew the only way to cure her anxiety was to masturbate, she knew she needed help, explaining:
“I got so bad I would to masturbate up to forty seven-times a day. That’s when I asked for help, I knew it wasn’t normal.”
After getting some medical attention and a prescription “cocktail” of tranquilizers, NOW she only masturbates a few eight times a day. Still A LOT of masturbation, but A LOT LESS than before.
Due to her orgasmic medical condition, she took her employer to court in order to be allowed to masturbate on the clock and WON.
We were really hoping to avoid the whole Christine O’Donnell anti-masturbating/witchcraft/evolution-is-a-myth dealio but we can’t, in good conscience, ignore the fact that the nonprofit group founded by a candidate for the U.S. Senate hasn’t bothered to file tax returns in three years.
The AP got their hands on IRS documents that show O’Donnell’s “pro-abstinence outreach organization” failing to file their 990 for the past three years. This, as you may know, means that the anti-pre-marital bumping uglies organization could lose its tax-exempt status.
O’Donnell’s camp is blowing this off (seems to be standard operating procedure), “It’s not any big deal. I’m dealing with this for all kinds of clients right now,” the AP quotes the campaign’s lawyer, “There are thousands of nonprofits doing this. Everyone is scurrying around.”
According to the AP, the most recent return filed by Savior’s Alliance for Lifting the Truth (SALT) shows $2k in contributions and $1,973 in expenses.
Since this attorney seems to be on top of the situation, we probably don’t have to tell her that the nonprofit can likely file a 990-N in less time than it would take for a young Salty to engage in a manual override. Or cast a spell on the IRS. Whichever.