Tag: Ernst & Young

The Greatest Farewell Email We’ve Seen…EVER

Subject: And When I Leave Come Together Like Butt Cheeks

You can figure out where this is going to go based on that alone, I’m sure.

Predictably, this email has been making the rounds since it was sent. If the OP was shocked it went viral in public accounting inboxes up until this point, wait until he sees it here. Names have been changed to protect the innocent, including the OP, who isn’t innocent at all but still deserves that. I think.

Hey Motherfuckers!

Guess who just got the fuck outta Dodge?! This guy! How many people had Craig Douchenozzlestein lasting until August 4, 2011 in the YMP pool?

But seriously, it is NOT easy to get out of these contracts. Im pretty sure it would have been easier to escape from Auschwitz th knew from the second week I start here that this wasn’t going to work out. I mean, working past 7pm cuts significantly into my drinking and foundling women time. So therefore, since October 28, 2008 when I was forced to work until 10pm on my fucking 23rd birthday, these wheels have been in motion.

I feel like it is probably appropriate to go over what got me to this point of release, in case anyone wants to take a similar approach and not have to pay back any tuition money and get a severance package.

The first breaking point for EY was during my staff 2 year when I lost an inventory count and the bitch of a senior manager WOULD NOT stop hassling me about it. Dude, I told you I lost it. No matter how many emails or sametimes you sent me, that sheet isn’t coming back. Get over it. Rose cried less when the Titanic sank. Needless to say, he personally wrote my review. Didn’t go over too well during roundtables.

The next “occurrence” happened in February 2009 during busy season. It was a Friday night and I was newly broken up with [the girlfriend] for the 24th time. That Saturday I had to work on [rando client] in the office because we just received their 10K. However, this was a minor inconvenience because 2 buddies from college were in town and I had a kitchen full of liquor waiting for them. During that night at the bars, I hit it off with one of the girls in our party and, as any guy knows, the first lay after a break up is as necessary as oxygen. So we leave to go back to my apartment only to realize I had given my buddy from college my keys so he could get in later. In a crime of passion and lack of forethought, I punched through our glass window to get into the lobby, only to realize the door to my apartment was still locked. Not letting this stop my teenage sex drive, we hopped a 30 minute cab to her place. The next morning I awoke at 11am realizing I should have been at work 2 hours ago. By the time I got to work it was 1pm, I reeked of booze and was bleeding all over the place because of my hand. AND I had forgotten my badge so called the senior manager to come let me in who greeted me with a “what the hell happened to you?” I also found out I had texted my senior the prior night while in the cab saying “Getting laid in West Randombury, Ill be at work ASAP” at 3am. Needless to say, my year end review mentioned something about “unprofessional” and “this is a career, not some part time job”

Those 2 situations resulted in me being held back for my staff 2 year. After that, there was not much anyone could do that would prevent me from doing what I wanted to do. I worked from home, ignored deadlines, and pretty much didn’t give a shit. I even made up some bullshit excuse that I was stuck travelling back from the Kentucky Derby in Pennsylvania during a 3/31 year-end just so I could catch up on the DVR I missed while away for the weekend.

The final straw that broke Camel Craig’s back resulted from a year-end job at the beginning of January. The Manager was a complete bitch and I spent most of my day exchanging texts with a girl I had met the prior weekend at the bar. She did not take kindly to this. But the breaking point for her was definitely when I didn’t show up til 2pm on that Friday because it was my roommates birthday the night before. Everyone knows Roommates birthday=Your Birthday, right?!?! That’s another thing that gets me about this place, everyone is so caught up in work they forget about enjoying life. Shit, life is so short (especially if you are a raging alcoholic) and is way too short to spend stressing over excel sheets all damn day. Every once in a while enjoy it! Take a sick day to go to the beach. Get hammered on your roommates birthday and come in late, have unprotected se…. well, maybe not too much enjoyment. But you get the message!

But I digress, I truly enjoyed my summers with you guys and the shit we got away with. I hope I was able to have a positive effect on your lives in some way, even if it was just “damn, at least Im not as bad as Craig . Did you see him lick the Backer pole last night?!” I hope you all keep in touch and wish you the best down the road.

If you guys are ever in the Random City area, Im always down to meet up. Just no rioting like we did when Joey and Dan were here.

One Love,

Craig

Good luck to you in your future endeavors, “Craig,” you’ll need it.

Please note, we’re pretty sure this guy is a one-off and not at all reflective of the overall quality of his colleagues. Therefore let’s reserve any judgments for Craig and Craig alone. Judge away, my darlings.

Comp Watch ’11: A Detailed Explanation of Uncle Ernie’s Complicated “Metrics”

… and it promises that if you just stick around for 12 years, you could be an executive, director, partner or principal.

Warning: the propaganda is absolutely raging in this piece of HR gold, dive into it accordingly (and turn your head to be able to read it).

EY Curve

PCAOB Bans Former Auditors From Faking the Audit Trail For the Near Future

The PCAOB has banned former Ernst & Young partner Peter O’Toole from associating with a PCAOB-registered firm for the next three years and fined him $50,000 for his part of a 2009 scheme to fake audit paperwork. E&Y removed O’Toole from the audit engagement team in June of 2010 and canned him several months later in September. The three year ban from audits is the longest bar that the PCAOB has imposed on a partner of a Big 4 accounting firm to date.

“These actions threatened to undermine the integrity of PCAOB inspection processes, and the ability of the Board to discharge its mandate to inspect the auditors of public companies,” said James R. Doty, PCAOB Chairman in a statement. “The Board moved swiftly to address this conduct, having commenced litigation against these respondents within seven months of learning of their conduct. I commend the Board’s Division of Enforcement and Investigations for its timely and effective work,” he added.

The PCAOB has also banned Darrin Estella from working with a PCAOB-registered firm for two years in connection with the improper creation, addition, and backdating of audit documentation in this case. Estella was a senior manager with E&Y’s Boston office and also let go in September of 2010.

The Board found that, shortly before a PCAOB inspection of an E&Y audit, O’Toole and Estella — acting with O’Toole’s knowledge and authorization — created, backdated, and added a document to the audit working papers that related to the most significant issue in that audit. The Board also found that O’Toole authorized other members of the audit engagement team, including Estella, to alter, add, and backdate other working papers in advance of the PCAOB inspection.

Additionally, the Board found that O’Toole and Estella provided a written document to PCAOB inspectors in which E&Y represented to the Board that no changes had been made to the audit working papers following the documentation completion date for the audit. Neither O’Toole nor Estella ever disclosed to the PCAOB inspectors that, in fact, the working papers were altered after the documentation completion date and shortly before the inspection.

The Board found that O’Toole and Estella’s actions violated PCAOB Rule 4006, which requires cooperation with Board inspections, as well as PCAOB Auditing Standard No. 3, which governs audit documentation.

The PCAOB has not released the name of the company involved, who hired E&Y as  independent auditor in 2002. E&Y expressed an unqualified opinion on the company’s September 30, 2009 financial statements, which led to notice by the PCAOB that an inspection of the unknown company’s audit was being performed on March 30, 2010. The partner, senior manager and manager on the engagement were given notice on March 31, 2010. The inspection fieldwork was set to begin on April 19, 2010.

This comes on the heels of an earlier PCAOB decision which censured 27-year-old Jacqueline Higgins for her part in the scheme. Word is she has since taken a job with McGladrey’s Boston office (unconfirmed rumor), who could probably use the help.

Comp Watch ’11: Ernst & Young Comp Discussions Start Today

We’ve received several short, anxious emails (presumably all from Uncle Ernie’s nervous camp) tipping us off to the fact that E&Y comp discussions are going down this week, so it must be true. Of course, this post is useless without actual comp numbers, which we’re sure you’ll give us as soon as you have your sit-downs.

Hi Going Concern –

To give you heads up, E&Y comp and promotions dicussions [sic] are happening this week (they’re happening today in my office). Perhaps it’s a good time to open the new thread on the topic.

Cheers,
E&Yer

Great, so does this mean the Ohio and Michigan crews have already packed up and are ready to bail if they get anything less than whatever it was they are holding out for?

Rumors so far are that raises will be in line with last year’s, which were not at all disappointing considering that we are still (not technically) in a recession, not to mention all that Lehman drama the E&Y lawyers are still hashing out. Too soon? Anyway, as usual, you’re welcome to entertain each other with disparaging comments about the size of your, er, comp packages until we hear news on actual numbers.

Update: Looks like some pretty good numbers are rolling in but please, for the sake of your fellow EY brethren, if you want to share your comp info, be sure to at a minimum include where you are (general metro or region is fine), what service line you are in, your rating (hint: this is a number) and, of course, the actual new pay and bonus number (if any).

Ex-Ernst & Young Partner’s Former Lover Skirts Jail Time, ‘Ashamed’ for Sleeping Around to Land Insider Trading Tips

Early last year, James Gansman, a former Transaction Services partner was sentenced to a year and a day for securities fraud. This all came about after Gansman met Donna Murdoch on ashleymadison.com which eventually evolved from run-of-the-mill extramarital activities across the tri-state area to Gansman giving Murdoch hot tips on M&A activity. She then picked up Richard Hansen on Ashley Madison, who also gave her a few more tips that were used for monetary gain. All told, it came to about $392k for Murdoch.

Unfortunately, her trading activity got some people’s attention and this particular jig was up. Accordingly, Murdoch flipped on both her boy toys and as luck would have it, that will kept her out of jail. That’s obviously great and all but Murdoch has found the whole situation quite regrettable.

Donna Murdoch, 49, buried her face in her hands and began blubbering after the judge said she wouldn’t be heading off to the pokey. “Your honor, I will carry the shame of all my wrongdoing for the rest of my life,” the heavyset blonde said as her forgiving hubby and three kids watched from the gallery in Manhattan federal court.

It’s a tough, tough situation to be sure. You know what else is a tough situation? Deciding whether or not to sell out the people you were banging for the information so you could stay out of jail:

“It’s been really painful, but I still feel like the decision to cooperate was the right one, given the situation,” Murdoch said yesterday.

Hot tips from hot lips [NYP]

Ernst & Young Is Really Wishing They Hadn’t Blown Off That Lehman Brothers Whistleblower

FT Alphaville found this notable quote from District Judge Lewis Kaplan’s opinion (whole thing after the jump):

The TAC alleges that Lee told E&Y in June 2008 “that Lehman moved $50 billion of inventory off its balance sheet at quarter-end through Repo 105 transactions and that these assets returned to the balance sheet about a week later.” Assuming that is so, E&Y arguably was on 308 notice by June 2008 that Lehman had used Repo 105s to portray its net leverage more favorably than its financial position warranted, a circumstance that could well have resulted in the published balance sheet for that quarter being inconsistent with GAAP’s overall requirement of fair presentation. Accordingly, the TAC adequately alleges that E&Y misrepresented in the 2Q08 that it was “not aware of any material modifications that should be made to the consolidated financial statements referred to above for them to be in conformity with U.S. generally accepted accounting principles” notwithstanding Lee’s disclosure to it.


“Lee” you may remember is Matthew Lee Lee, the Senior VP for Global Balance Sheet and Legal Entity Accounting who also said this about E&Y’s reaction to his warning on Repo 105:

They certainly didn’t support it. On the Repo 105 issue, they knew about it; they did not appear to know that the number was so large.

Ouch.

lehmanruling

Comp Watch ’11: Rumors of Imminent Exodus at Ernst & Young Has Some Perplexed

This just in:

I have been talking to a variety of people at E&Y from several offices in Ohio and Michigan. The word from them is that there is going to be a significant movement of people once compensation info is passed out. It’s kinda conflicting since the rumor is that raises should be around what they were last year. Not sure what to make about it.

As you recall, last year’s raises and bonuses at Ernst & Young were competitive with PwC, which came as a pleasant surprise to everyone at Black and Yellow but understandably this rumor has our tipster in a flummox. Of course, this could be limited to the Ohio/Michigan area but it’s worth seeing what the Turley’s Troops in other areas are hearing. Share below.

Ex-Ernst & Young Partner Trades Tech Companies for Cuddlesome Creatures

The Oakland Tribune shares this charming story of an accountant who discovered her talents would be more appreciated in helping animals:

Like many people who love animals, Sue James dreamed of becoming a veterinarian when she was a child.

“I looked into going to vet school but my parents, they wanted me to pursue a more traditional career,” said James, a Danville resident who grew up in a house in New York state where the family pets included dogs, rabbits — even a monkey.

After a long stint in the corporate world, James found an outlet for her lifelong love of animals at Tri-Valley Animal Rescue, an all-volunteer group founded in 1992 with a mission to prevent the unnecessary euthanasia of shelter animals.

Uncle Ernie gets a badass plug in the next bit:

She started volunteering in 2005 as she was winding down a long and successful career at Ernst & Young. There, she was a partner who oversaw audit work for some of Silicon Valley’s leading high-tech companies. Today, she serves on the boards of Yahoo, Applied Materials and Coherent.

Working at Ernst & Young, she learned the importance of teamwork to meet the needs of clients. That focus also carries over to her volunteer work. “It’s about the cats and dogs,” she said. “But also, for me, it’s how can we work effectively as a team.”

It makes sense that she’d end up at the shelter; from what I hear, actual auditing isn’t much different.

By the way, she’s 65. She holds a bachelor’s in math from Hunter College, New York (1967) and bachelor’s in accounting from San Jose State (1975). She taught math and science in junior high and high school in New York state from 1967-69, worked in San Jose office of Ernst & Young starting in 1975, was named partner in 1987, retired in 2006, then consulted for the company through 2009.

Promotion Watch ’11: Ernst & Young Admits 548 New Partners Worldwide

Still a little perplexed that I have to find this out via press release but I understand that at least some of you are beating off clients…

with a stick.

Jim Turley, Chairman and CEO of Ernst & Young says, “Building the next generation of partners to lead our business is vital to our future. This year’s marked increase in numbers reflects our ongoing commitment to excellence and our confidence in the future.”

John Ferraro, Chief Operating Officer of Ernst & Young says, “These admissions are the result of a rigorous selection process and recognizes the significant contribution of each individual to our success. This is a strong vote of confidence in the leadership potential of these outstanding individuals.”

Congrats to the all the new partners at E&Y!

Comp Watch ’11: Someone at Ernst & Young Wasn’t Too Discreet with Sensitive Info on Their Commute

From the mailbag:

Happened to be sitting behind someone on my NYC commute this week who was reading a deck (in font large enough for me to read) on EY’s salary ranges etc. Didn’t see any $ numbers and most was hard to see without context or the full page but I did see this:

(I don’t know ey terms – apr = annual performance rating?)

APR 3 4 5
S. Mgr 1% 2% 3%
Mgr 2% 3% 4%

Our tipster stated that the percentages were supposed to represent “minimum raise.” Hard what to make of this as rumors have been all over the board from “They told us not to have very high expectations,” to ” Per my discussions with an Office Managing Partner and a National Practice Leader …. raises should be close to (if not the same) as prior year.” But considering there’s an expensive legal battle on the horizon, maybe this isn’t so crazy? Discuss.

(UPDATE) Ernst & Young Auditor Area Man Takes His Crush for Co-worker Ernst & Young Auditor to Craigslist Missed Connections

Don’t you just love missed connections? Maybe you’re more of a casual encounters person but there’s something to be said for someone that is experiencing such infatuation that dropping a post on Craiglist seems like the best thing to do. Of course, it’s another thing entirely when you are infatuated with someone at work and you conclude that your best way to tell them that they are the most beautiful creature on Earth is by posting on missed connections. Apparently, UPDATE: some dude crushing on an Ernst & Young auditor did just that.

Dating Fails: Dating, Breakup, Boyfriend, Girlfriend - Office Romances Don't Count Online, Right?
see more

Okay, a few notes:

1. For a lot of reasons, personal and professional, there’s no way I can say anything to you. – What exactly are the “personal” reasons? You can’t speak in coherent sentences? You have awful body odor? You’re actually a serial killer? As for “professional” reasons, we all know that auditors are banging auditors all over the place (SEE UPDATE BELOW), so if you’re simply saying that this can’t happen because it’s against your professional morals then fine but other people around you are getting busy and you will not.

2. I can’t believe you don’t hear that all the time. You probably do. – You’re right. She probably does hear it all the time. But not from anonymous people on the Internet.

3. I wish I could tell you and not come across as a sleaze! – You’re not “coming across,” broski. You’re already there.

This was posted in NYC (expired now) so maybe we can track this guy down and help him with his game.

UPDATE:
After reader input and discussing it with my partner in crime, it’s clear that this is a client leering at the E&Y auditor and AG and others are postulating that our Craiglist creeper is either married or in a committed relationship. If this is the “personal reasons” he spoke of, it’s far less interesting and funny than some kind of social anxiety disorder that renders him a stuttering love-sick fool. But it does begs several societal questions among them: 1) does posting a missed connection constitute cheating? or 2) do we applaud his self-control (until he gets home of course). Discuss.

Are Ernst & Young Employees Looking Forward to Their Performance Discussions?

Since this feels like one of those days where everyone is at a ball game or is so hung over that they can’t operate their email, I’ll share the latest news from the mail-cum-money bag:

@EY – Just got an email saying we need to meet with our counselors before 7/31 to discuss annual review. I doubt any comp info though.

Even if these chats don’t involve any numbers, they may be useful in one of two ways: 1) It gives cranky employees the opportunity to fly off the handle because this last busy season was a special kind of personal hell and that no amount of money can possibly make up for that. or 2) It may be the perfect time to inform counselors about what kind of numbers are being thrown around at another firm who the Black Yellow had no problem keeping pace with last year.

Smiling and nodding works too, if that’s more your speed.