October 7, 2022

Accountants Can’t Fight

If There Was a Huge Braveheart-esque Battle Between Accounting Firms in Chicago, Our Money Would Be on Deloitte

braveheart460.jpgNot because they’re face-painting, Chuck Liddell types with crazy-ass axe skills. No, all those accountants migrated to the Mecca of hand-to-hand combat in America, Las Vegas.
Our choice is simply based on the numbers. According to Crain’s list of largest accounting firms in Chicago, Uncle Dangle has over 3,300 professionals in the six county area surrounding Chicago while #2 PwC has just under 1,800.
Deloitte’s huge advantage is due to the over 1,200 management advisory service professionals and nearly 750 tax professionals (who, frankly, are the real badasses).
Now to point out Uncle Dangle’s advantage in such a way may be superficial and pointless but challenging another firm in a battle to the death force others into the fetal position may become an option worth considering the dire situation for accountants in Chicago. Plus, the thought of thousands of accountants doing battle via open-handed slaps and sublte insults about documentation and pen color hierarchy is too hilarious to ignore.

Accountants Raiding Accountants Probably Makes for a Hilariously Awkward Scene

gun_awkward.jpgJesus, that was fast. After Wednesday’s snoozer raids at the E&Y office in Hong Kong, Icelandic police have raided the offices of KPMG and PwC in Reykjavik, Iceland, according to the Daily Telegraph.
More, after the jump

Police have raided the offices of KPMG and PricewaterhouseCoopers (PwC) in Reykjavik, seizing documents and computer data as part of an investigation into alleged criminal activity at three collapsed Icelandic banks…The office of Olafur Thor Hauksson, the Icelandic investigator charged with examining the collapse of
the three banks a year ago, confirmed that 22 policemen and six foreign accountants took part in the searches yesterday.

Six accountants? Whoa, this thing was way more serious. No coffee and bagel strategy here as it would have totally distracted the investigating accountants from their jobs.
Likewise, we doubt anyone was strapped for this raid. Especially the number crunchers. We can definitely picture them begging the police though, “C’mon, they don’t even have to be loaded. We’ll just leave them in the holsters. WE SWEAR.”
The most excitement that we can envision was some bean counter trash talk that may have escalated into open-hand slaps and flailing arms and legs. The real police, after enjoying this hilarious scene for a few moments, would have had no choice but to break up the nerd fight as it began encroaching on the investigation and other people’s personal space.
KPMG and PwC Reykjavik offices are raided by Icelandic police [The Daily Telegraph]

Raid at E&Y Hong Kong Was Probably Really Boring

We don’t know what to make of the raid at the E&Y offices in Hong Kong that occurred yesterday. We’d like to think that it was something out of 24 where Jack Bauer was “forced” into an impossible situation where he had to shoot a sheisty auditor in the leg to find out where the “certain documents” were.

Alas, it sounds as though it was considerably less dramatic, falling way short of anything worthy of the Absurd-o-meter.


The HK Fuzz probably even talked it over before going to the E&Y digs and said, “We’re going where? Accountants? We don’t even need our guns for this one. Let’s just take coffee and bagels and they’ll probably do whatever we ask.”

We’re probably not far off as E&Y was sure to reiterate their intent to ‘engage with and further investigations into the Akai matter’. Bor-ing.

Not that we were expecting much but it would have been nice that if just once we’d hear about accountants stonewalling some authority figures. Instead, the Head of E&Y China is stepping down, which is hardly the same as a vast conspiracy that may or may not involve the President of the United States. Sigh. There’ll be a next time soon enough.

Hong Kong Police Raid Ernst & Young [WSJ]
HK police raid E&Y offices over documents [FT]
Earlier: EY Doesn’t Want to Be Outdone By Anyone So They Went to Hong Kong for a Scandal

A British D-Lister Does What Many Only Wish They Could Do

kerry katona.jpgWe’ve got no idea who Kerry Katona is but she had it with her accountant and decided that punching him in the face was good idea.
From the looks of the guy, can’t say that he probably didn’t deserve it. He’s was busted for fraud back in 2004 and was involved in a scheme involving pink rabbits at 600 quid a pop.
K-squared, for her part, declared bankruptcy last year, owing £417,000 in taxes. And just for good measure, she was just picked up two nights ago for being caught on video putting a blizzard up her nose. This whole thing is about as sketchy/awesome as you could possibly ask for.
Kerry Katona accused of punching her accountant [Accountancy Age]