Tag: Accountants Behaving Badly

Report: Bomber of Moscow Airport Was an Accounting Student ‘Pumped Full of Drugs’

For the love of everything good and holy, we know some of you are depressed but please don’t resort to this:

Forensic experts have determined the identity of the suicide bomber who killed himself and 36 other people at Domodedovo airport – an accounting student from the North Caucasus republic of Ingushetia, Moscow media reports said Friday. The forensic researchers, going by DNA evidence taken from the scene, identified the bomber as a 20-year-old who apparently was ‘pumped full’ of drugs before he carried out the January 24 attack.

Accounting student was airport suicide bomber, Moscow media say [M&C]

How Long Should an Accountant Wait to Start an Embezzlement Scheme After Landing a New Job?

For Michelle Lynn Shelton, who is accused of taking $760k of her employer’s money, the answer is “NOT LONG!”

Detectives launched their investigation in December after another accountant, who was filling in while Shelton was away from work, discovered the apparent transfer of a large amount of money between two personal bank accounts, police said. Police said the company conducted an audit and contacted police. Shelton started working for the company in June 2007 and the evidence suggested she began diverting funds two months later, police said.

Accountant Seeking Sexual Favors Rebuffed; Pelted with Flip-flops

Everyone, at some point in their life, has suffered the humiliation of making a move only to be rejected with extreme prejudice. As humbling as an experience as this is, being “showered with chappals” may be the greatest humiliation to be suffered by a man in pursuit of a woman we’ve ever heard. And naturally, this dolt was an accountant.

The woman had applied for a grant under the government’s Ashraya plan and she needed a certificate of caste to be submitted to the tahsildar. Initially Shivananda (32), the village accountant of Kavoor, refused to issue it since she originally hailed from Birur in Chikmagalur district. In the meantime, he had obtained her mobile number on the pretext of keeping her informed about the progress of the file.

But soon after, he reportedly started sending her obscene messages and later on started calling her again and again. He promised to get her a 5-cent land in Falnir in the heart of the city, provided she made some ‘adjustment’ with him. Not understanding the purport of ‘adjustment’ she sought clarification. At that point, he is said to have explicitly sought sexual favours from her.

So we envision the scenario this way: Village accountant-cum-idiot goes with, “Hey, this is an easily solvable problem but an adjustment needs to be made with me.” The woman, being completely confused, asks him to elaborate to which replies with the BJ hand gesture, or the old pointer finger through the fist routine. Then:

Declining to make any adjustment, she went home and complained to her husband, who sought help from Dalit organizations, who gathered proof by getting the messages he sent and calls made recorded. They set a trap for him and got the woman to ‘invite’ him home. When he arrived at the appointed time, he was caught hold of by the Dalit activists and handed over to the police.

But before doing that, many of them, men and women, beat him up with chappals several times over. Shivananda told the media that he had only come to check the house to verify and he had been framed. But he had no answer when asked if he had visited any other houses to verify the caste and also as why he was not carrying the relevant file when he came to visit the woman’s home.

Reactions welcome.

[source]

Accountant Helps Truth or Consequences, New Mexico Live Up to Its Name

As you might expect, it doesn’t have a happy ending.

Police say a Pueblo accountant suspected of setting fire to his ex-wife’s home committed suicide during a brief standoff with authorities outside of Truth or Consequences, N.M.

Pueblo Police Sgt. Mark Duran says 50-year-old Myron Todd Thomas immediately became a suspect in an arson fire early Tuesday at his ex-wife’s home. Police issued an alert to law enforcement in New Mexico and elsewhere.

Sierra County (New Mexico) sheriff’s deputies and New Mexico police contacted Thomas north of Truth or Consequences, about 380 miles south of Pueblo Tuesday afternoon.

Accountant Sets Bar for Idiotic Embezzlement Schemes

The snatch and grab and burn technique isn’t the most sophisticated plan we’ve read about but we are talking about a man who is an accountant first (we’re guessing a very bad one) and an extremely dimwitted criminal second:

An accountant faces seven years in jail after a court convicted him yesterday of deliberately setting fire to Dh250,000 in cash and stealing a similar amount from the taxi company where he worked.


Why this particular accountant-cum-thief decided half the money wasn’t worth his trouble is unclear but what is CRYSTAL is that setting the remainder on fire was the equivalent of writing “I’M EMBEZZLING FUNDS” with a Sharpie™ across the cash ledger.

According to the arraignment sheet, prosecutors said [the accused] deliberately set fire to the money bag which contained Dh500,000. He burned Dh250,000 and stole the rest.

He was also charged with causing intentional damage and financial loss to the company. The company’s Indian manager testified that one of the employees informed him over the phone that the accounting office was on fire.

“I rushed to the company’s premises to check what happened. We had left nearly half a million dirhams in a money bag which we kept inside a wooden cupboard. The money was our drivers’ daily revenues. I discovered that half of the money got stolen and the remaining half was burned,” the manager told prosecutors.

But to be fair to our asshat accountant du jour, “a money bag which we kept inside a wooden cupboard” isn’t the most secure internal control procedure we’ve ever heard of. Let this be a lesson.

Proof That an Accountant Can Love Golf Too Much

Golf is probably the furthest thing from most of your minds right now because a) it’s somewhere between 0 and 20 degrees Fahrenheit outside or b) you hate golf. For the latter, you can continue reading in so you may engage in laughing and pointing. For the former, despite it being the offseason in most parts of this fair land, a report from the Manchester Evening News should cause you to temper down your love for a good walk nice spin in a cart spoiled.

A golf fanatic accountant who stole thousands from his employers and then funnelled it into his ailing club has been jailed. David Beech, 59, showed a ‘bizarre misplaced sense of loyalty’, when he siphoned over £70,000 from his bosses into struggling Oldham Golf Club, where he was treasurer.

But Beech, of Holly Grove, Chadderton, was rumbled when a company auditor went through the books. He pleaded guilty straight away and repaid £51,262 of the cash back although £19,300 was still unaccounted for, Sheffield Crown Court heard. At court it also emerged he received an 18-month suspended sentence 23 years ago for stealing from another employer. Defending, Robert Smith said Beech had demonstrated a “bizarre, strange, misplaced sense of loyalty” to the golf club. “It had a negative impact on the club in that they were under a false impression as to their own finances,” he said

Typical reaction of the members:

CPA Who Allegedly Embezzled Funds from Client May Have Been Desperate to Get Rid of Shag Carpeting

From John Veihmeyer’s favorite local broadsheet, the South Bend Tribune:

A local certified public accountant has been arraigned in Berrien County Trial Court in St. Joseph in connection with the alleged embezzlement of nearly $100,000 from a trust fund.


As for the how and the why:

Officers said the funds allegedly were taken from the trust fund account of Winifred Lentz around the time of Lentz’s death in 2005. Falsified documents were used to disguise where the money actually went, police said

They said Barnes used the money to carpet his home and purchase Euros during a period when he took a cruise. He also allegedly took more than $45,000 to pay off a personal loan.

Here’s a Visual: A 64 Year-old Accountant in Bed, Naked, with a Madame, Surrounded by Cash

In Britain, of course:

A respected accountant who turned his home into a brothel was caught in the act when police swooped and found him naked in bed with his Chinese mistress, surrounded by money.


“Respected accountant” Leslie Baleham received a year in prison after his house effectively became a brothel that managed to serve 400 men during a three-month stakeout, according to a report in the Daily Mail. How would an otherwise mild-mannered accountant get tangled up in such a mess? Love, of course!

The court was told that Baleham had been ‘smitten’ with his younger woman – who was a main figure in running the brothel.
Adrian Reynolds, prosecuting, said: ‘Never was the relationship between sex and money more clearly to be seen.’ [Ed. note: Oh, British wit.] The pair, who ran the brothel for two years, had a joint bank account and had paid in £57,000 – including £7,000 he had made in rent. Harry Bowyer, mitigating, told the court that Baleham was not involved in the day-to-day running of the brothel, and was effectively just a landlord. He said: ‘Baleham felt he was having a relationship with her. Now he feels he has been used by her. He is now divorced from his wife.’

Arrested in bed with a madame called Ping Ping, the ‘respected’ accountant who turned his home into a brothel [Daily Mail]

BREAKING: Accountant in Pakistan Dies From Non-Predator Drone Causes

Shocking development out of Pakistan as an accountant has died from a heart attack after allegations of corruption were brought against him. Judging by the complete omission of anything to the contrary, a predator drone does not appear to be involved in any way shape or form.

An accountant of a school in Pakistan’s Multan city suffered a heart attack and died after the teaching staff levelled corruption allegations against him and the principal.

Ehsan Ghauri, chief accountant of the Multan Public School, died Monday following a heart attack after the teaching staff, during a protest demonstration, charged him and the principal with corruption, Dawn reported Tuesday.

Accountant Successfully Uses “I’ll have to answer to the wife” Defense to Avoid Driving Ban

In the Old Empire, if you’re busted driving over 100 mph, you’re supposed to lose your license. Apparently there is an unwritten exception to this rule that says if you’re soon-to-be married and the bride WILL NOT STAND FOR IT, you get a pass.

Exhibit A: Christopher Bidgood, 32 an accountant from “Martham near Great Yarmouth” was stopped after going 110 and “weaving in and out of traffic.” Not the first time he had a run-in over his lead foot:

Bidgood of Martham near Great Yarmouth had faced a driving ban of up to 56 days after he admitted breaking the 70mph limit at 7.47pm on September 3.

Right, then. Bidgood’s attorney, knowing full well that his client is dumber than a sack of hammers, pulled the only card he thought he could play:

Tim Carey, defending, said Bidgood, had already faced the “displeasure” of his bride Amanda due to the risk of a ban ruining their honeymoon.

Describing his client’s behaviour behind the wheel, Mr Carey told the bench: “Sir, he has been a complete idiot – an idiot of the first order.”

But a “hardworking and honest” idiot, according to his co-workers, which may have helped his case as well.

Other Than a Small Matter of Evading $20 Million in Taxes, That Petters Accountant Is a Stand-up Guy

Wehmhoff “did not set out to commit tax fraud for Tom Petters, but slowly became aware of it, then did nothing to halt it, and eventually was right in the middle of it, preparing and filing returns he knew to be false,” the government attorneys wrote. Prosecutors also called attention to Wehmhoff’s otherwise “unblemished” professional history and “striking” remorse. [MSPBJ]

Accountant Mugshot of the Day

An accountant for a Jersey City church was arrested today on charges he swindled the house of worship out of more than $40,000 by pocketing tax payments and spending some of the money in casinos and restaurants, officials said.

“A bond of trust has allegedly been broken with these parishioners,” said Hudson County Prosecutor Edward DeFazio of the charges against Hector L. Sanchez, 59, of Jersey City.

The accountant for the Fountain of Salvation Christian Church on Communipaw Avenue was arrested in South Orange this morning and charged with theft by failure to make required disposition, DeFazio said.

Wouldn’t think it to look at the guy.

Jersey City man accused of stealing $40K from church funds [NJ.com]