Category: News

This Accountant Underwent Counseling for an Addiction to Sausages

Accountants are not without their vices. Whether it be booze, sex, or DVRing every single HBO TV series, we all know someone who can’t quite break the spell of certain pleasures in life after they become addictive. Today in double-entry junkies, we meet David Harding. David loves sausages. He loves them so much that he has eaten at least one a day since the age of five. He loves them so much that he has undergone hypnosis to try and conquer his craving of salty pork links. He loves them so much that he was willing to do a live audition for the “Gluttony” role in Se7en.

Okay, I made that last part up but this accountant LOVES SAUSAGES:

A father-of-three has become the first person in Britain to undergo counselling after developing an unusual addiction to sausages. David Harding, 47, has paid out almost £2,000 in an attempt to beat his bizarre habit, which sees him eat up to 13 bangers per day.

Now if you think this is merely a man who lacks self-control, you’d be wrong. This is obsession, my friends:

He said: ‘I genuinely cannot bear the thought of living without sausages. ‘Drug addicts crave their medicine of choice, and it’s the same for me – except that my drug is a banger.’ Accountant David has eaten at least one sausage per day – in sandwiches, fry-ups or main meals – since the age of five. He spends up to £700 per year on bangers and has even bought a deep chest freezer to store the vast quantities of his favourite McWhinneys Irish pork sausages. David realised he could be an ‘addict’ last year when wife Susan decided to do ‘something different’ for dinner and failed to serve-up his usual fare. He said: ‘I went a bit mad at the thought of it. It threw me completely off-track. It was then that I realised something wasn’t quite right and sought professional help.’

As for these McWhinneys folks, they’re taking this in stride, much like a Philip Morris exec might:

McWhinney’s Sausages MD, Kevin McWhinney, said: ‘We are pleased that this gentleman likes our sausages, but wish him well in his quest to control his habit.’

Help me battle my SAUSAGE ADDICTION! Accountant forced to have counselling to get him off the bangers [Daily Mail via AwebUK]

Former Senator Alan Simpson Is Having Trouble Expressing His Thoughts on Grover Norquist

“What kind of a nut is this guy?” former Wyoming Sen. Alan Simpson said of Norquist.

He told an audience at Wednesday’s Peter G. Peterson Foundation fiscal summit that Norquist was “some guy just wandering around the swamps taking a pledge from people when America was flush, and then pushing people like Orrin Hatch off the cliff as if he were a commie.” Simpson has said similar things to Norquist’s face. [The Hill]

Should Accountants Still Provide Excellent Client Service When a Client Shows Up in Their Pajamas?

As we do from time to time around here, we pick up some chatter from our British sister site to see what’s going on in the Old Empire. Today we learn that some Brits have really taken to slobbing around in their pajamas in places not thought appropriate.

Let’s see what’s troubling our accounting brethren across the pond:

Where I live (and as I understand it, nationwide) there is currently a growing backlash against people wearing pajamas in unsuitable circumstances (mostly while picking their kids up from school or while doing their weekly shop), specifically people refusing to serve them or asking them to leave the premises.

Obviously(?) none of us would meet with clients in our pjs as even the most relaxed accountant would at least wear smart casual for a client meeting I’m sure, but what if a new client came to you for their initial meeting in their pjs, would you refuse to act for them?

For the sake of discussion, assume they are fully clothed in bottoms and tops, not in negligie or short nightdresses.

Here in the States, most of us ditch the sweats in public after getting out of college but their are obvious exceptions (like our friend to the right). But it’s not that unusual for your more affluent clients to get more comfortable being comfortable wherever they go. This means ignoring societal norms. Like pants. Or only being sober for a couple hours a day. But forget all that for now; we’re focusing on sleepwear. So, then – if a successful entrepreneur walks into a meeting rocking Winnie the Pooh jammies with the footsies, are you offended? Do you throw him/her out and demand they come back “and act like a professional!” or “after you pull yourself together!” or “when you rejoin society!”?

Or do you keep a seersucker robe or kimono handy in a desk compartment specifically for these scenarios? Discuss.

Accountant Who Stole From Employer to Fund Lifestyle, Wife’s Boob Job, Should Have Thought Twice Before Bragging About Vacations on Facebook

Stephen Siddell’s dishonesty led to 16 people losing their jobs while he and his wife, Louise Siddell, took luxury foreign holidays. They even posted photographs of their stay in a six bedroom villa in Cyprus on Facebook boasting, “because we’re worth it”. Liverpool Crown Court heard the couple had lock-up garage in Bromborough, which was an “Aladdin’s cave” full of their expensive furniture and designer goods. 24-year-old Louise Siddell had also used their ill-gotten gains to pay for jewellery and breast enhancement. [Wirral Globe]

Why Am I the Only Person Under 40 at AICPA Spring Council?

So I’m here in downtown Washington, D.C. for three days of awesomeness that is AICPA Spring Council 2011. While today’s session started just past the asscrack of dawn (breakfast at 7am) and goes through evening, the first day was mostly cocktails and schmoozing, as these events tend to  be.

Here’s my question: where the hell are the young CPAs? Of the attendees, every single state is represented, some more than others. CPAs from across the country have descended upon Washington in their best monkey suit to listen to speakers like George Will and Eleanor Clift, as well as to get an update on the legislative issues that impact the profession. On Tuesday, they’ll be taking to the Hill to bring these issues directly to their Congress(wo)men.

But there is only ONE attendee (from Hawaii) who falls into our age bracket (your humble reporter excluded, of course). ONE.

Listen, I get it. You spent your last college years dealing with this kind of shit, putting on a tie and sucking up to partners and recruiters, all the movers and shakers of the industry. You worried about using the wrong fork at banquets and sat through symbolic awards ceremonies just to appear as though you are passionate about your industry. Now that you actually have a job, what’s the point?

The point is that these issues impact the profession which you will inherit one day. I’ve got nothing against middle-aged men in suits (hell, I’ve been dating one for the last two years) but one day soon, they’ll be retired and it will be up to us to take the reins and move the profession forward. How on Earth are we supposed to do that if we don’t figure out how it is done now?

There are endless opportunities here for mentoring and, better, for young CPAs to have a voice. Yes it’s somewhat symbolic. Yes you will have to wear a tie. Yes it can be stuffy and dull and a bit tedious. Guess what? It’s still important and one day, when all the middle-aged men are living their retirements out on yachts in the middle of the Pacific, you’re going to have to step up and do it anyway.

If you’d like to get involved (it’s not too late to start planning for next year), get in touch with your state society of CPAs for more information. You can find out more about AICPA Governing Council on their website.

You can follow #AICPAGC11 hashtag on Twitter to check out what we’re all up to for the next two days and please, don’t make me yell at you again. I didn’t put this monkey suit on this morning for nothing.

How Are Accountants Dealing with Their Co-workers Who Are Planning for the Rapture?

Today in Brits worry about the strangest things news, an AccountingWEB UK reader has Rapture fever and wonders if anyone else still down here is going to call it quits come Monday.

The Rapture is upon us (according to a man in the US) so, as shown in the Simpsons, I will soon be ‘left below’, as will, I imagine, many of my fellow board users.

Anyone else have a sudden urge not to do any of their accounts/tax backlogs, given the world as we know it won’t exist on Monday?

For starters, there are plenty of men, women, children and family pets (not just “a man in the US”) that believe that the Son of God will be gracing us with his presence this Saturday and judging by what people are paying for one share of LinkedIn stock, the odds have narrowed that it’s going to happen. That said, I overheared the Big Guy himself say that Saturday ain’t the day. The question is, how do you handle the crazy accountants in your office that are planning for the Rapture? Do you:

A) Mock them openly first thing Monday morning.

B) Claim to know who the identity of the Antichrist (it’s me!).

C) Ask politely, that in the event that the person’s significant other happens to be left behind, if you can hit that.

D) Start digging through their drawers for supplies.

E) Convince them to wait it out in a JIT.

F) Your ideas.

Tom Coburn: The Gang of Six’s Abysmal Failure Is Not The Gang of Six’s Fault

I understand the disappointment, and real danger, associated with our impasse. The question, though, is not how we tried and failed but why the Senate has not even tried. Commissions and “gangs” form when members lose confidence in the institutions in which they serve. Working groups have their place — but they should support, not replace, the open work of the full Senate. The truth is that we already have a permanent standing debt commission. It’s called Congress. [WaPo]

GSI Group: Internal Controls Won’t Be an Issue Going Forward

GSI Group Inc. (GSIG) said it reached a settlement with the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission by consenting to a cease and desist order related to accusations that it improperly recognized revenue on certain transactions at its semiconductor business from at least 2004 through June 2008, partly because of insufficient internal controls. The SEC alleged that as a result, the supplier of precision technology and semiconductor systems had overstated revenue by 0.7% in 2004, 1.4% in 2005, 17% in 2006 and 5% in 2007 and by 13% and 5.6% in the first and second quarters of 2008. The company said it agreed to the settlement without admitting or denying the SEC finding and wasn’t charged with fraud or required to pay any penalties. “GSI fully cooperated with the SEC in its two year investigation and has undertaken a number of corrective actions and internal control enhancements,” said Chief Executive John Roush. [Dow Jones]

Two San Jose State Accounting Students Killed in Bizarre Murder-Suicide

Cindy Caliguiran, 25 and Kyle Williams, 26, both accounting majors at San Jose State University in Northern California, were gunned down by Caliguiran’s 54-year-old engineer husband on Tuesday.

From the Mercury News:

Waiting with a gun on the fifth floor of the campus garage was her husband — a Silicon Valley engineer more than twice her age. A classmate heard the screams — then gunfire — reverberate through the concrete parking structure.

Within minutes, police found Cindy Caliguiran and Williams dead, shot repeatedly, in the front seat of her black 2005 Mercedes. Napoleon “Nappy” Caliguiran lay next to the car, mortally wounded from a self-inflicted gunshot.

On Thursday, shocked students and faculty members learned the identities of the first San Jose State students ever killed on campus — both honor students, both married, one with a job at a major accounting firm waiting.

But the campus community was still trying to comprehend why the 54-year-old native of the Philippines tracked down his bride of three years Tuesday night about 8:30 with a gun registered in his name.

All reports are Caliguiran and Williams were not romantically involved. Williams had been married for two years and was headed to PwC after graduation, while Caliguiran had been married to her nutjob husband, Napoleon “Nappy” Caliguiran (described as a “soft character” by his former brother-in-law), for three. Based on reports, you might conclude that he was jealous of his much younger wife’s friend:

The Caliguirans lived on the fourth floor of the Élan Village apartment complex in North San Jose. A downstairs neighbor who didn’t want to be identified said that although he never met the couple, about two weeks ago they were so loud upstairs that he called security. He was awakened by heavy stomping upstairs, he said. When asked whether the couple was fighting, he said, “something like that.”

SJSU shooting: 3 who died ID’d as student, 25; her husband, 54; another student, 26 [SJMN]

Brazilian Accountant Wins the Right to Watch Porn, Masturbate at Work

A least one accountant at the SEC is getting his lawyer on the phone as we speak.


PerezHilton:

Ana Catarian Bezerra, a 36-year-old Brazilian accountant who suffers from a chemical imbalance that triggers severe anxiety and hypersexuality, has won the right to masturbate and watch porn at work!

Since she knew the only way to cure her anxiety was to masturbate, she knew she needed help, explaining:

“I got so bad I would to masturbate up to forty seven-times a day. That’s when I asked for help, I knew it wasn’t normal.”

After getting some medical attention and a prescription “cocktail” of tranquilizers, NOW she only masturbates a few eight times a day. Still A LOT of masturbation, but A LOT LESS than before.

Due to her orgasmic medical condition, she took her employer to court in order to be allowed to masturbate on the clock and WON.

Brazilian Woman Wins Right To Masturbate At Work [Guanabee via PH]