Here Are Some Viable Alternatives To Naming Audit Partners in Reports

Let no one say our comment section is pointless, offensive, and about as valuable as the stuff I scoop out of litter boxes every day. Would something so worthless come up with a gem like this?

Who the lead audit partner is on the audit of a publicly traded company is irrelevant – he or she has absolutely no idea of what work was actually done, who did it, or what it revealed. But they could make the audit report be like an office get-well card and let everyone who worked on the audit sign at a random location on the audit report page, perhaps adding a brief sentiment such as "Cash Rocks" or "Don't spend your dividend before you get it."

Can someone please get the PCAOB on the phone right this moment?

Other possibilities:

  • Make audit partners stand in front of the client site wearing a giant "I AM THE AUDIT PARTNER" sandwich board
  • Change all audit partners' email signatures to "I am the audit partner on XXX engagement" in large, purple Comic Sans
  • Require the client's product to have a label or sticker — that may not be removed under penalty of law — clearly naming the lead audit partner
  • Tattoos of the client's logo on the partner's ass, sort of like branding cattle

Any other bright ideas?

 

 

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